The Cost of Love

The Cost of Love
Let me preface this, this is not my "usual" type of post, I am usually in a much more upbeat mood. Unfortunately, this has been one of the worst days in a long time.

There are times in our lives when we all suffer the loss of a relationship and have our hearts broken. It hurts so much you can feel the pain all through your body. I always thought the time you share, even if it ends, is worth the pain felt in the end. Tonight, I wonder, "Is it all crap?" the cost of love isn't just the risk of the relationship ending but also the mutual friends. In the recent ending of a relationship, I not only lost a person I truly cared for, but also, a great friend who chose "the other side". She is a co-worker, that I work closely with. I didn't realize we were not OK until I attempted to Facebook her to tell her to have a good weekend, I realized she had unfriended me. Being new to the area, I don't have a stock pile of friends nearby and I value the ones I have. This "unfriending" as petty as it seems means more than not being able to post on each other's Facebook wall. It means I have lost a friend and a confidant. I now have to work with someone who I used to tell everything to and who now hates me. I have never regretted a relationship because I try to learn from even the negative things I encounter. However, this relationship felt like a sinking ship that we kept putting band-aids on. Relationships shouldn't be this hard, road blocks on every corner, two steps forward, three steps back. I loved him and enjoyed our time together, but the pain and loss that it has caused makes me wonder if it is worth it? Knowing now what I was at risk of losing, I would not have entered into this relationship. I have survived several break ups but I have never felt so alone. My first thoughts were I want to quit my job and move home. If that isn't desperation and despair, I don't know what is. I won't give up, I won't go home but it makes me rethink the true cost of entering a relationship.